Some days, I find myself in a situation that others might find peculiar.
I’m somewhere between 20 to 100 feet (or more) up on a cliff wall.
Now, understand that I’m tied to a rope, so a fall would not cause real harm to me (probably).
But my brain doesn’t fully register this. My brain, on the other hand, is registering the ground far below and is heading towards a full on panic.
There’s a tightening in my chest and shortening of breath.
My stressed-out thoughts are going at full speed. I’m being urged to find safety while simultaneously battling a desire to keep heading upward to my goal.
The next bolt is just ahead… only two or three more moves and I can clip in.
But the last bolt is several feet below… a fall from here, that would be terrifying? Maybe even painful if I land wrong.
What does my body actually do?
First, one more story.
Other days, I find myself in vastly different settings, yet entering into the same mental situation.
I’m making the health-conscious decision to cut out sugar and am saying no to the cookie alongside my black coffee.
Or, I’m doing a tempo run, pushing myself at pace for much longer than my body is on board with.
Or, I’m working to hit a deadline, trying to churn out the deliverable before the clock hits the hour.
What I’m feeling?
Tightening in my chest.
Shortening of breath.
Maybe even panic.
Now, I understand on a conscious level that I am actually completely safe. No real harm will come to me, and actually, the long-term benefit is in my favor.
But my brain doesn’t fully register this. My brain, on the other hand, is registering a threat and is connecting it directly to deeper pathways that have my immediate physical condition as the top priority.
What do I do?
We’ll get there, I promise, but first, just a bit of background on how your mind and body are designed.
When we make a conscious decision to perform an action that we believe will benefit us, what we’re doing is using a particular region in our brain: the pre-frontal cortex. Here the brain is holding different pieces of information and, ultimately, making a judgement call based on its own calculations.
What do you think is the best course of action? That’s what the pre-frontal cortex is trying to decide.
But is that what you ultimately end up doing?
The brain and body have a complex network of wiring that goes deep, way beyond the level of conscious awareness. These networks have been shaped over millenia by the ancestors that have come before us. Back in their time, well, it actually was often life or death.
The goal was food or outrunning a predator. Failure to achieve the goal meant life was over.
So, we were shaped to achieve the goal, with our nervous systems kicking into gear to force us into paying attention to the immediate and life or death situation at hand.
Then, on top of this, these networks have been shaped throughout life as our own life events have taken us through situation after situation that appeared threatening.
Growing up, I learned to be fearful of cliffs, because if I got too close I got scolded.
Growing up, I learned to hit deadlines or else the teacher gave me a bad grade.
Now, these situations were far from life-threatening, but no matter. My body’s nervous system is intertwined with these deeper life or death systems, so when it comes to what is happening in my own brain, it might as well be life or death.
And that’s just the brain. If we want to truly become capable of creating the change we envision, we need to add in another important piece.
The Body
We already talked about the neural circuits that run deep, beyond the awareness of your conscious mind. These are the circuits that have evolved over millions of years, way before the (relatively) recent evolution of the pre-frontal cortex.
These circuits are also tightly interwoven with cells and other systems throughout your body – cells that make up organs and tissues that perform different functions.
This, of course, includes your muscles which ultimately direct your actions.
Now, understand that all of these different bodily sub-systems communicate via different networks (neuronal, hormonal, etc.) and come up with their own decisions as to what behavior should be performed.
So, when it comes to taking action that we have decided would best lead us in a positive direction, we have to compete with decisions that run much deeper into our bodies.
This is a serious challenge.
This is why you can muster up all the knowledge and determination to cut out sugar and refined grains, only to find yourself three cookies deep at 4:00 in the afternoon. You may consciously know that it is healthiest not to consume refined sugar, but your blood sugar dropped and that sent a signal to deep circuits in your brain to cue hunger and go find some sugar.
Or, similarly, this is why you can become deeply motivated to go for a run after work every day, only to find yourself getting home and making a beeline for the couch. It’s not because you’re lazy – it’s just that the deeper circuits in your brain and body may be wired to perform this specific action. When you’re tired after work it’s going to be incredibly difficult to muster up the willpower to overpower these circuits.
This is what makes behavior change so difficult. As we go through life living in our heads, what is really most often running the show is these deep circuits – the ones that have run the show for millions of years and are not too keen on this recent pre-frontal cortex stepping in and calling the shots.
Fortunately, if we are wise enough, we can get past this.
How?
By mustering up all the willpower we can to dominate these other circuits.
No… actually. This time, we’re taking a different path forward.
In fact, we’re going to become a bit wiser so that we are not entering into a battle with our bodies, but instead, communicating with them on a deeper and more effective level.
Okay, ready to learn the trick?
Here we go 🙂
The Breath
Here’s a difficult truth we all must understand: when it comes to making decisions about controlling our own bodies, we often have less control than we’d like to believe.
I know, this is the exact opposite of what all other health or life coaches would want to tell you. But, it happens to be the truth and what we need to understand if we want to move forward making better decisions.
Fortunately, if we are wise enough, we can learn to communicate effectively with our bodies so that we can indeed steer ourselves in the direction of the best course of action.
To understand how, let’s take a look at one sub-system within our bodies.
Interwoven with our diaphragm is one of these deep circuits I discussed above. As we breathe, our nervous system receives signals about what to do.
When we inhale, our sympathetic nervous system (our fight or flight nervous system) kicks into gear.
On the other hand, when we exhale or when we engage in slow diagrammatic breathing, our parasympathetic nervous system engages to initiate a calm and collected state.
Now, think about what you feel in your body when you go to take on a particular challenge.
Stress induces a sympathetic response, leading to physical outcomes such as constriction in the chest and shortened breath.
And in our minds… it becomes difficult to consciously process information and we often find ourselves in a web of scary and uncontrollable thoughts that are attempting to lead us in a different direction.
So, what can we do?
Well, we can do the exact thing that I do when I’m up high on a cliff and my mind and body start spinning out of control.
This happens to be the same thing I focus on when running fast or for long miles.
And, it happens to be the same exact thing I do when I’m taking on new healthy behaviors such as avoiding sugar or refined foods.
Ready for it?
Exhale.
Yep, that’s it.
Notice those physical symptoms? They’re constricting.
Notice those thoughts? They’re scary.
Don’t engage with them. Don’t prepare for battle.
Simply, exhale.
Deeply, fully.
Let it go, my friends.
And then, inhale. Just gently. Don’t force anything here. Simply let that inhale fill you up.
Then, once again, focus on a full exhale.
Sound simple enough? Here are two more specific practices you can try out in the comfort of your own home (or whatever safe space you may be in today).
Then (and this is so important), use these practices when you are out in the field. That is, whenever you find yourself in a stressful situation as you are working to overcome obstacles to achieve a goal – well, your breath is where your attention can go.
Practice
- Focus on the long exhale
- Box breathing
Take a seat, sitting upright with your eyes closed. If preferred or need be, feel free to stay standing or rest your gaze ahead of you.
Now, take a moment to notice your breath as it enters in, expanding your chest; then, as it exits out.
Now, tune in deeper to that exhale, allowing it to slow. Inhale whatever feels comfortable and natural, and focus on letting out a full, relaxing exhale.
If you want something more structured here, you can engage in 1:2 breathing. Inhale for 2 seconds, exhale for 4. Or, if it feels even better, inhale for 3 or 4 seconds, exhaling for 6 or 8 seconds.
To move into box breathing, here’s what to do:
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Pause at the top of the inhale. Hold that breath for 4 seconds
- Exhale for 4 seconds
- Pause for 4 seconds
- Repeat, beginning again with the inhale.
Repeat this cycle 4-8 times = whatever feels most relaxing to you.
Note: I have found that if I take on box breathing for too long or try to hold the pauses for too long, I can become slightly stressed. If that becomes the case for you, shorten the length of each section or return to normal, slow breathing.
Feel free to play around with this. Don’t get too caught up in the details.
And, if nothing else, just return to the basics.
Exhale.